An evolutionary language scientist in Britain has determined that the oldest words in any language are 'I,''who,' and the numbers two, three and five, which date back approximately 10,000 years. He arrived at the conclusion by using sophisticated computer modeling and talking with Larry King.

An evolutionary language scientist in Britain has determined that the oldest words in any language are "I" and "who." He also says the words "dirty," "squeeze," "bad," and "stab" are the most likely to disappear. Upon learning of the news, entertainment industry executives were speechless.

Staff at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium in California say a two-spotted octopus opened a valve that allowed hundreds of gallons of water to overflow into offices. Upon learning of the news, California residents began efforts to draft the octopus for a gubernatorial run.

Facebook, trying to recover from last week's policy-change blunder, which prompted tens of thousands to join online protests, said Thursday that users will now play a "meaningful role" in deciding the site's policies. The company's CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said the young entrepreneur was busy playing outside on his skateboard.