Speaking at a town-hall style rally in Strasbourg, France, President Obama received thunderous cheers when he pledged to repair damaged relations with Europe. Looking up from his comic book in Texas, George W. Bush wondered how all those people got into the event without wearing shoes.

A judge in Malawi has rejected Madonna's request to adopt a child from the African nation. Observers believe this is the first time Madonna has heard the word "No" since the coddled celeb hit the charts in 1983.

Touch screens are all the rage at the CTIA, North America's largest cell phone trade show, running this week in Las Vegas. Vendors are touting new and impressive phones and features coming soon...unless, of course, your service is with Verizon, which is pretty darn happy with the same 12 phones it's made available since 2005.

The investigation into a nationwide salmonella scare over pistachio nuts has spread from a California nut processor to its sister plant on Long Island, where inspectors last month found cockroaches and rodent droppings. A company spokesman told reporters the plant is now spotless, saying customers can eat off the ground it is so spotless. Well, actually, he said it about "Your mother."