Researchers say huge ice chunks are breaking away from the Antarctic shelf. When told of the news, Senate Republicans said they'd be happy to use the ice for the extra martinis they're drinking lately.

Radio station chain Clear Channel laid off 960 people on Tuesday, after canning 1500 in January. When questioned, the fired announcers would only repeat the time, temperature, and their parents' pleas that they pursue more secure careers in plumbing or organized crime.