Researchers say huge ice chunks are breaking away from the Antarctic shelf. When told of the news, Senate Republicans said they'd be happy to use the ice for the extra martinis they're drinking lately.
Radio station chain Clear Channel laid off 960 people on Tuesday, after canning 1500 in January. When questioned, the fired announcers would only repeat the time, temperature, and their parents' pleas that they pursue more secure careers in plumbing or organized crime.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
IAC/InterActiveCorp, the company that owns dating service Match.com, this morning reported a first quarter loss of $28.4 million. Executives at the company are worried: they know that the balance sheets will look worse when you see them in person.
IAC/InterActiveCorp, the company that owns search engine Ask.com, this morning reported a first quarter loss of $28.4 million. This comes as sad news to the 15 people who use Ask.com.
President Obama beamed this morning as he and Vice President Biden officially welcomed Arlen Specter to the Democratic Party. This, mainly because both Biden and Specter’s mouths had been taped shut.
Microsoft and Verizon are reportedly talking about launching “a touch-screen multimedia cell phone” that combines Windows Mobile and Zune software. The phone is expected to sell well among those who own Yugos and the DVD edition of “Ishtar.”
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Pat Buchanan told MSNBC today that the Republican Party is "a heavily white party." He then went on to describe water as "heavily wet."
A Chihuahua has been reunited with its owners after the dog was blown away by a gust of wind. The dog's "bark all" story will be the subject of a new book and made-for-TV movie.
...Taco Bell is suing for copyright infringement, pointing to old TV ads and what happens when many customers eat there.
New studies by the University at Buffalo and Miami University of Ohio found that watching TV can drive away feelings of loneliness and rejection. Unfortunately, it can also turn you into an angry, competitive, greedy, horny, drooling moron.
Police in the Seychelles Islands have arrested nine people suspected of being the pirates who attempted to take over a cruise ship last weekend. Passengers are calling for stiff penalties. Anyone who threatens their access to the buffet must suffer.
A Chihuahua has been reunited with its owners after the dog was blown away by a gust of wind. The dog's "bark all" story will be the subject of a new book and made-for-TV movie.
...Taco Bell is suing for copyright infringement, pointing to old TV ads and what happens when many customers eat there.
New studies by the University at Buffalo and Miami University of Ohio found that watching TV can drive away feelings of loneliness and rejection. Unfortunately, it can also turn you into an angry, competitive, greedy, horny, drooling moron.
Police in the Seychelles Islands have arrested nine people suspected of being the pirates who attempted to take over a cruise ship last weekend. Passengers are calling for stiff penalties. Anyone who threatens their access to the buffet must suffer.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
An cruise ship with 1,500 people on board fended off a pirate attack far off the coast of Somalia. Israeli private security forces on the ship began playing selections from a Kathie Lee Gifford CD and drove the bandits away.
MySpace tapped a former Facebook executive as its new CEO. Owen Van Natta is 39 years old, at least twice the age of most MySpace users.
Former Facebook executive Owen Van Natta will be the new CEO of MySpace. He is expected to start in approximately two weeks, about the same time it takes for a MySpace page to fully load.
MySpace tapped a former Facebook executive as its new CEO. Owen Van Natta is 39 years old, at least twice the age of most MySpace users.
Former Facebook executive Owen Van Natta will be the new CEO of MySpace. He is expected to start in approximately two weeks, about the same time it takes for a MySpace page to fully load.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Julie Chen of CBS' "The Early Show" and "Big Brother" has announced that she is pregnant. Her husband is Les Moonves, CEO of CBS. She's 38, he's 60. Her due date is Oct. 4th. The child's first psychotherapy session is planned for early 2011.
...Moonves is also the great-nephew of David Ben-Gurion, the first Prime Minister of Israel, who, at word of the news, was turning over in his grave at a rate of 48 miles per hour.
At a news conference in Moscow, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said the software giant will invest $300 million in Russia projects over the next three years. Observers say Russians are so used to dealing with corruption and frustration that the new Windows 7 will look pretty darn good to them.
The Somali pirate who attacked an American cargo ship appeared in a New York City courtroom on Tuesday. He will be tried as an adult and faces stiff penalties under our justice system: life in prison...and viewing NBC's prime time lineup.
...Moonves is also the great-nephew of David Ben-Gurion, the first Prime Minister of Israel, who, at word of the news, was turning over in his grave at a rate of 48 miles per hour.
At a news conference in Moscow, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said the software giant will invest $300 million in Russia projects over the next three years. Observers say Russians are so used to dealing with corruption and frustration that the new Windows 7 will look pretty darn good to them.
The Somali pirate who attacked an American cargo ship appeared in a New York City courtroom on Tuesday. He will be tried as an adult and faces stiff penalties under our justice system: life in prison...and viewing NBC's prime time lineup.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Yahoo Inc. will cut 600 to 700 jobs as its slump worsened in the first quarter and ad revenues were down. The company says the layoffs will not change the user experience for the 12 people who still use Yahoo.
India's child-rights watchdog is investigating allegations by a tabloid that the father of a "Slumdog Millionaire" child star tried to sell her to an undercover reporter. Entertainment industry observers are shocked: usually it's just celebrities themselves, selling their souls.
India's child-rights watchdog is investigating allegations by a tabloid that the father of a "Slumdog Millionaire" child star tried to sell her to an undercover reporter. Entertainment industry observers are shocked: usually it's just celebrities themselves, selling their souls.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich slammed President Obama Monday for his friendly greeting of controversial Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Reporters were unable to understand much more of what Gingrich said, as his lips were curiously locked onto Rush Limbuagh's ass.
Oracle Corp. has offered to buy Sun Microsystems for $7.4 billion on Monday. CEOs hope the Justice Department will clearly see its way to approving the merger
Bank of America Corp. warned of worsening loan default problems Monday even as it posted a first-quarter profit of $2.81 billion. Observers say it would've done better if it stopped mailing everyone credit card offers five times a month.
The New York Times won five Pulitzer Prizes for journalism today. The financially strapped company is expected to melt the statues down and sell them for scrap.
Oracle Corp. has offered to buy Sun Microsystems for $7.4 billion on Monday. CEOs hope the Justice Department will clearly see its way to approving the merger
Bank of America Corp. warned of worsening loan default problems Monday even as it posted a first-quarter profit of $2.81 billion. Observers say it would've done better if it stopped mailing everyone credit card offers five times a month.
The New York Times won five Pulitzer Prizes for journalism today. The financially strapped company is expected to melt the statues down and sell them for scrap.
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