CNN host Lou Dobbs announced today that he would be leaving the network effective immediately.

...He says he is considering a number of options for the next stage in his career, KKK Grand Dragon believed to be among them.

...Upon learning of the news, Wolf Blitzer asked for an extra half hour in make-up and much shinier hair.

...In a statement, CNN President Jon Klein hailed Dobbs and then began drooling and mumbling uncontrollably.

...CNN's prime-time ratings have plummeted in recent months. The network will replace Dobbs with a reality show where people compete to chop their own genitals off.

...Some have suggested that the answer to CNN's woes is to return to its roots of real journalism. Unfortunately, nobody there has any idea how to do that, so they'll just keep putting on a salacious circus and hope for the best.