Music industry mogul David Geffen reportedly made an offer to buy a 19% stake in the New York Times. The deal fell through when Times editors refused to include the words "Baby, baby" in at least 75% of their news stories.

President Obama praised health industry groups for offering to reduce the growth of spending by $2 trillion a year to overhaul the system. Unfortunately, the ultimate goal is still far off: having someone explain the difference between co-pay, co-insurance, and deductible.

President Obama praised health industry groups for offering to reduce the growth of spending by $2 trillion a year to overhaul the system. In response, Canadians, Brits, and residents of most other civilized nations continued laughing at us.

The Obama administration warned corporate America on Monday that the government will move more aggressively to investigate big firms that improperly dominate markets. In response, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer began wearing a toupee, Groucho glasses, and changed his address to a post office box in Montana.

The oldest known human hairs have been found in hyena dung in Chile. Scientists say they have no idea why Larry King was in Chile, but are certain that the hyenas did not laugh at his jokes.