Touring together this summer, Billy Joel and Elton John postponed their Buffalo and Albany concerts this weekend after Joel came down with flu-like symptoms. John offered to make some chicken soup to help, as long as Joel promises not to drive over to get it.

Reacting to public fears of a possible pandemic, many European governments say they will fast-track the testing of a new flu vaccine. Most Americans aren't as worried, mainly because it's summer and they're too busy eating burgers, watching NASCAR races and burping.

In a Tuesday press release, Dell Inc. said that the U.S. personal computer market has reached its low point but that the timing of a global turnaround in the technology industry remains anyone's guess. Reporters seeking additional information were unsuccessful. After 40 minutes on hold, an Indian guy claiming to be "Freddie" said he could only help with real easy tech support questions.

A Russian investment firm says Facebook is worth $6.5 billion to $10 billion. Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg is expected to comment as soon as he gets home from riding his skateboard around the neighborhood.

Doctors say a British girl's heart has healed itself after a transplant. Researchers are amazed and say further studies are needed to see if this would also work in America on right-wing talk show hosts.

French travel agencies have launched insurance coverage for unwanted interruptions to the sunshine. Similar plans are not expected to be offered for those visiting the Buffalo, Rochester and Syracuse areas of New York State, ever.

News reports this evening say Michael Jackson's final resting place remains a mystery. Much like his interim noses.

An advertising executive taken from his burning home after holding his ex-wife hostage in a 13-hour standoff with police was arraigned Wednesday while lying in a Connecticut hospital emergency room. In lieu of speaking with investigators, he is expected to explain his actions using a catchy jingle and resonant voiceover announcer.